


Arsehole

by ms_worplesdon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aurors, Bad Sex, Bottom Harry, F/M, M/M, Sexual Identity, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 21:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2825954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ms_worplesdon/pseuds/ms_worplesdon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry finds himself suddenly and mercifully single when his relationship with Ginny comes to an unexpectedly bizarre end (so to speak). Seamus, who will simply not let him forget it, is a pain in the bloody arse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Arsehole

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for foretinterdite in 2008.
> 
> Warnings: OMG SCAT that's brief het. But don't worry, it's funny, not scary (I hope). Just trust me, alright? It's not graphic and is meant in jest to the nth degree, I promise. Oh dear, no one is going to read this! *laughs* The scene in question was inspired by a Worst Sex entry on b3ta.com, which is also worth reading.

Harry loved Ginny. He would do anything for her.   
  
He was fairly certain of this.   
  


He was also fairly certain they’d be having sex that night. Finally. They’d been dating for nearly a month, after all, and they were going to have a romantic meal at his new flat. Alone. 

The evening started out well. Ginny was very flirtatious all through dinner, and had polished off over half a bottle of wine. When Harry put the moves on her she was so game that she actually dragged  _him_  to the bedroom. 

Harry was nervous. Of course he was. He was about to make sweet, beautiful love to his girl. His Ginny. 

He was going to  _fuck_  her. 

Everything was going swimmingly. He’d massaged her tits already and sucked on them for a bit - she seemed to like that. About a minute after he started investigating her folds with his fingers, Ginny made an impatient noise and sat up. 

“Let’s try something else, Harry.” 

“Er. Okay.” 

_Let her take the lead._  Yes. He could do that. Because by that point he was pretty sure that he had no fucking clue what he was doing. 

Ginny kissed him deeply, while out of the corner of his eye he saw her conjure a small green silk handkerchief that was nearly the color of his eyes. It looked far too small to blindfold him or tie him up with. She began to gently tickle his back with it. That was rather nice. Harry felt her other hand reach down and her small fingers began playing with his arsehole. That was rather nice, too. 

When she whispered something between kisses, Harry didn’t give it any thought. When he felt her begin to actually stuff the tiny scarf up his arse, he was a bit shocked. Not enough to stop her, but he did feel that this was beginning to get a little weird. 

“Shhh,” she whispered gently. “This is going to feel really, really good.” And with that she bent down and wrapped her lips around his cock. 

Why not, he mused. Best to just go with it. 

He wasn’t exactly sure when his new cotton sheets became plastic, but he was pretty fucking close to coming, so he couldn’t find it in himself to care very much. Getting blown was pretty distracting, he decided. 

He was barely aware of her fingers pinching the tip of the scarf that still peeked out of his hole. Just as he came down Ginny’s throat she pulled the scarf out. 

_Fast._  He suddenly felt... 

“Oh SHIT!” He was positive that something rather embarrassing had just happened. He was afraid to look. It was only when he heard Ginny’s soft moans of pleasure that he could finally bring himself to open his eyes. 

The image of her rubbing his mess onto her tits would be forever burned into his memory. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

He couldn’t discuss it with Ron for obvious reasons. Or Hermione, for that matter. It was a couple of days after what he would thereafter refer to as “the incident” that he was downing pints in the Leakey with a morose look on his face. Being surrounded by interested friends was not part of his plan for the evening. Yet somehow he found Seamus, Luna and Neville sitting across from him. Word had gotten around that he and Ginny had broken up. He didn’t want to know what people were saying, and he was determined  _not_  to talk about it. 

To anyone. 

“So why did you break up with Ginny?” Seamus asked, grinning. Neville made a strangled noise of embarrassment. 

Luna gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry, Harry. We don’t really need to hear the details. Isn't that right, Neville?” Neville nodded vigorously. Luna continued to give him dreamy, yet uncanny looks. 

At some point after his third pint he looked across to the bar and saw Dean give him a small, sad nod. Not ten minutes later he saw Michael Corner at another table, who also gave him a nervous nod. His eyes snapped back to Seamus, who was still grinning madly. 

Fuck. 

They all  _knew!_  

“You know, Harry. You might think about taking a break from women for a while. Have you ever considered men?” 

Harry’s jaw dropped open and he simply gaped at Seamus, who took the opportunity to toss in an almond. 

“What’s that called, a home dunk?” 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Turned out that everyone but Harry had known for ages that Ginny was a superfreak in bed. The reason  _he_  hadn’t known became obvious when he sat down to think about it sober. Ron was his best friend, and no one would dare tell her brother. By extension that somehow seemed to include him. 

And Seamus would not let up about it. Being partnered with him for Auror training was making Harry’s life a strange, special sort of hell. An annoying, sandy one with lots of snickering and bad jokes. Scratch that. An extremely fit and  _attractive_  annoying, sandy one. It had been a long couple of months. Harry never imagined that he’d notice something like how mouth watering Seamus was. Mouthwatering? Fuck. 

A lot can change, apparently. 

It was all the git’s fault in the first place. Ever since he’d made that crack about switching teams, Harry was unable to get the idea out of his head. At first he was just having an innocent look-see. But he  _kept looking._  More than once he caught himself checking out the other blokes in the showers after PT. He nearly got caught by Smith while watching him get dressed. If Seamus hadn’t been walking in the door behind Smith just as he looked up, well, Harry would have had no excuse. And Zacharias kind of hated him, so he was pretty sure he’d narrowly avoided being punched.

His nightly wanks were now completely different. Blokes kept popping into his head every time he had a bash. Eventually he decided that it didn’t matter because there wasn’t anyone performing  _legilimency_  on him these days. He gave in and started imagining other blokes blowing him off. Then he imagined doing it to them. Not only were his fantasies now full of men - specifically, being under them getting well fucked - but his orgasms were the most satisfying he’d ever had. 

And the one person who appeared most often was none other than bloody Seamus Finnigan. The one person who he had to spend hours on end with. He was loathe to call it an unfortunate crush, even if only to himself, but that’s exactly what it was. One with no possible outcome but embarrassment and frustration. 

Now he had their first training spar to look forward to. Full body contact. Harry was slightly concerned about this. 

“Guess what I just heard.” Seamus was clearly bursting at the seams to tell him something. He was practically dancing with glee. 

“And what would that be, then?” Harry asked, genuinely curious. 

“Ginny’s been seeing Malfoy for  _over a month!_  Luna just told me last night! Can you believe it? Do you think he lets her–” 

Harry cut him off rather abruptly. 

“Stop right there. I’ve no interest in whatever you were going to say. Let’s just do this, okay? Kingsley’s looking over here.” 

“Whatever you say, mate,” he replied. “So. Any nuggets of wisdom to share with me before I beat the shit out of you?” 

And the fucker winked. 

“When I pound you into the mat, just remember not to fall like a fecking dropped log, yeah?” 

“Shut it, Seamus.” 

“What’s wrong? Let’s get our fight on.” 

Harry rolled his eyes. 

“But try not to be so anal about the rules.” 

“Seamus,” Harry growled. 

“Merlin Harry, calm yourself. You look like you’re gonna chuck a bludger!” 

The vein in the side of his neck pulsed visibly. 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? Let’s just spar and be done with it. I’ll even get you a beer after. But if you lose it’s your treat. Unless you want to spend a knut on me o’course. Because I’m not into that.” 

“Seamus. I  _will hex you._ ” 

Seamus raced for the door. “Just a minute. I’ve gotta see a man about a hippogriff.” 

~~~~~~~~~ 

True to his word, Seamus did in fact pound Harry into the mat. 

Repeatedly. 

With lots of gripping and slamming and thrusting. And by Godric, Harry liked it. 

He found himself flat on his back being straddled by a very winded and sweaty Seamus. Harry felt strong knees gripping his hips, big hands holding down his shoulders. He let his body go slack as his mind wandered into inappropriate territory. Hot, sticky,  _fuck he smells so good_  territory. 

“Are you letting me win?” Seamus asked skeptically. 

“Er.” 

“Merlin, you  _are!_ ” 

“Am not.” Harry felt his face heat up. 

“Why in the fuck would you do that?” Seamus cocked an eyebrow and shifted slightly, making to get up. 

He froze. 

“Harry.” 

“...” 

“Is that what I think it is?” 

“...” 

Seamus nodded to himself. 

“I win this time ‘round, I think.” And with a shit-eating grin he stood and headed for the showers. 

Harry had absolutely no idea what to make of what just happened. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Seamus tapped Harry on the back as he was tying his shoe. 

“Oh. Er. Hello?” Harry flushed. 

“Still up for that drink?” Seamus was acting completely normal. 

“Okay.” 

Harry was grateful that Seamus seemed willing to forget what happened. They headed for the atrium to Floo to the pub. 

“I could really use one. I just had the best wank, I’m a fecking puddle. A pint would be perfect right about now.” 

Harry’s blinked and stuttered out, “W-what? A pint, yeah.” He nodded stupidly. 

Seamus had just wanked? 

As they walked, Harry brought up Quidditch, always a safe topic, and Seamus took to the subject. 

“Come on, Arundell’s been having a fantastic year. He’s blocked more Quaffles than Wood!” 

“Yeah, but he was crap before this season, and I wouldn’t put it past him to be taking potions, if you know what I mean,” Seamus shot back. 

“Oh, now that’s just low. You’ve no idea what you’re talking about. Is it so unbelievable that the Cannons might finally be up for a win?” 

“Ah, yer just saying that because you fancy him, is all,” Seamus replied dismissively. 

“I most certainly do not!” 

“If I were you, I wouldn’t give him a second glance. Now the Kenmare Keeper... You could crack a walnut with that arse.” 

The Kenmare Keeper was a bloke, so it occurred to Harry - as it had more than once already - that perhaps Seamus was flirting in some bizarre, roundabout way. Once they were seated with their beer, the conversation became even weirder. 

“Ahhh, perfect. But you’re still paying. You lost even if you did get something out of it, right?” 

“Stop taking the piss!” he snapped back. “It happens, you know that!” Fuck. If he was going to get hard every time they trained together he had a huge problem. Or at least a medium sized one. 

He glared at Seamus, who simply grinned back. With dimples. 

Harry was doomed. 

“It looked to me like you were taking my suggestion seriously.” He made a serious face but his eyes continued to laugh. 

“You’re such a bloody tosser,” Harry grumbled. 

Seamus seemed to consider that for a moment. “Yeah. I suppose I am,” he shrugged. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

Every day for the rest of the week Seamus suggested going out for a pint. On the one hand, Harry could simply take it as a friendly gesture. Two friends who worked together developing a routine. 

On the other... 

He didn’t know how discreet he could actually be while drinking in a pub. He was almost positive that Seamus had caught him checking out his arse while he was getting drinks from the bar. But Seamus never acted differently at all. He still occasionally made truly awful jokes about Ginny, but the thrill seemed to have gone for the most part in that department. 

Instead, he was behaving strangely considerate to Harry, who was more than a little suspicious of this new development. It was as though he was being buttered up, and it reminded him far too much of the twins for his liking. The one bright side was that Seamus had yet to make any mention or reference at all to Monday’s untimely erection. 

Finally, Friday came. They went out for drinks, as had become usual, and his one pint somehow turned into five. Seamus, who had long ago switched to Firewhiskey, was already beyond the singing phase of his drunkenness. Harry was still laughing at Seamus’s story about his one and only date with Luna. 

“I can’t believe that she suggested that. No wait. I can,” Harry managed. 

“Yeah. Thank Merlin I hadn’t been to the greengrocer in weeks.” 

“I’m surprised she didn’t offer to transfigure one.” 

“I don’t suppose it would have been so bad if she’d wanted me to – ah, but there’s only so much mention of girl bits I can take.” 

Harry blinked.  _What?_  

“What?” 

“What what, Harry?” 

“No, what did you just say?” 

“What?” 

Harry shook his head, exasperated. 

“No, before that!” 

“Oh,” Seamus replied. “I said that I’m not so much into the girl bits?” 

“Right. That. Does that mean that you-” 

“Fecking hell, Harry! D’ye mean you didn’t know I’m bent?” Seamus gaped at him. “I knew you were dense, but you’re completely oblivious!” 

Harry flushed. “Well, no one said,” he interjected. 

“No one tells you anything, do they? You couldn’t figure it out for yourself, then? A man must have to club you on the head and drag you back to his cave,” Seamus chuckled, shaking his head. “In fact-” 

“Er.” Harry was desperately trying to recover and think of something suave to say, but he was a little too sloshed to come up with anything witty. 

Suddenly he felt a leg brush his own under the table. 

He looked up and saw that Seamus was no longer laughing. In fact, he was burning a bloody fucking hole into him with his eyes. Harry’s mouth went dry. 

“You have to come with me. Back to my flat.” 

He couldn’t be serious. 

“Now,” he elaborated. 

He  _was_. 

“Uh, sure? Yeah, that’ll be alright.” 

Seamus stood and fairly dragged Harry to the Floo. 

Once inside, Seamus pounced. Harry found himself flat on his back, once again being straddled by a randy, sandy haired,  _very fit_  bloke. His stiffy was on prominent display through his trousers, and Seamus thrust his own hardness against him as he clawed at Harry’s clothes. 

It felt incredible! And it got even better when he started to talk. 

“I’m gonna make you forget all about your legend of a girlfriend.” 

Harry was absolutely okay with that. One hundred percent. 

“Gonna bend you over and fuck you ‘til you scream.” 

Harry moaned. 

“But first I’m gonna suck you.” 

He was pretty certain that this was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Getting his Hogwarts letter, defeating Voldemort? No. Those things pretty much paled in comparison to the feeling of Seamus’s tongue in his mouth, on his nipples, between his legs. 

That tongue saying those filthy, gorgeous things to him. 

Seamus gave fantastic head, he decided. And he was sure that when Seamus pulled off him and wanked him to completion all over his stomach and chest that  _that_  was as erotic as it could get. 

He was wrong of course. The experience was soon eclipsed when he was pulled onto all fours and prepared with slick fingers, Seamus kissing his back and biting his buttocks. 

“Merlin,” Harry grunted between thrusts of Seamus’s fingers, “you’re so bloody -  _unh!_  - good at that!” It was a delicious rhythmic throb with every slip slide, but he wanted more. 

“Oh,  _fuck_ , put it in me,” he babbled. 

“If you say so,” Seamus replied in a strangled voice. 

He felt his hot breath and moist lips leave his back, and when Seamus gently thrust into him and gradually worked up to pounding him into the fucking floor, well. That was best of all. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

After, Harry traced lines up Seamus’s back as they lay on the floor together. 

“You should know,” he whispered, “that–” 

“What is it?” 

Harry exhaled. “I was just going to say that, that letting you anywhere, um. Uh, anywhere near my arse, well at all. I, I reckon it must mean that I trust you. Yeah.” 

“On some deep, important, really meaningful level?” Seamus asked, his expression serious. 

“Well, if you want to be so–” Seamus’s silent laughter was causing his back to shake. 

“You’ll never stop taking the piss, will you?” Harry asked, laughing. 

“Well, you make it so fecking easy.” 

He watched silently as Seamus’s eyes drifted closed, though he continued to mumble. 

“Your arse is feckin’ spectacular, but next time you should do me. And we shouldn’t be so shitfaced, either.” 

Harry rolled his eyes, which was something he was going to have to get used to. 

Seamus shivered slightly. “I’m chilly, but I don’t wanna move. Get me a blanket?” 

“‘Course,” Harry replied. 

He stared at Seamus for a moment. He looked almost innocent on the verge of sleep like that. 

“What are you waiting for? Go on, scat.” 

Harry slapped his bottom affectionately and shook his head. 

“Arsehole."

 

  
_fin_

 

 


End file.
